Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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