So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
