Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
