I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
