My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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