I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
