Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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