Sry I called you an 8
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
