May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
