He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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