why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Blood and glitter go together right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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