My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FUCK WHALES
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
