Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
