i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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