Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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