my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
