I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
