Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize