i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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