my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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