so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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