I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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