Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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