So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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