I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
