I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
