I accidentally burped into my bong.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
