I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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