someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
