im drinking this country out of the recession.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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