It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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