Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
