Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
