Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
