im drinking this country out of the recession.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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