well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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