wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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