A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk is not a location!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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