literally had 100 drinks last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
