i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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