just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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