he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
