Small penises have feelings too.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
