So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
