I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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