im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
