Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
