also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
