Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
