haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize