so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
