you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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