No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
