At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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