Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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