Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
