She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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