guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He better not be in your backpack
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
