To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
