I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are we still banned from the library?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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