even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
