It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
