Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everything about him screamed your future.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
