My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
