On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dick very happy bro
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
