I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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