meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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