i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
