I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
