is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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