Got a toothbrush?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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