Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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