Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
