My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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