If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
