You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
