He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sext me about skeletons
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
