omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
