He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Randomize
