I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize