I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
