there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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