They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You ruined the universe
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
