I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
