fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Where is the hickey?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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